fun little tricks i learned

i hate computers.

ok, it's not so much the machine as the mentality behind them that gets me.....'error 764938 could not find server' really means the power button is off on your modem - why can't it just SAY that???!!
so, i recently did a reformat of my hard drive and a clean install of windows xp - the online windows geeks are saying 'it's easy, just follow the steps, install drivers, etc..............yeah, RIGHT! so, in my quest to revive my dead machine, here are a couple things i learned, so hopefully i can spare you some pain.
disclaimer: i'm no computer geek, barely know what i'm doing, and 'may the force be with you' if you follow any of my advice, but hey if there's hope for me......oh, and these apply to windows xp

1. deleting a virus that your anti-virus program detects, but won't delete
this happens so often, why can't these antivirus programs do this themselves, or just TELL you how, instead of the incredibly uplifting message 'could not be deleted'. it's about COMMUNICATION, people!

a) write down the file name of the infected file
b) turn off 'system restore':
start/right click on 'my computer', properties/system restore tab, check 'turn off system restore'
(of course, you will lose all your previous restore points when you do this - a nice little bonus)
c) restart in 'safe mode'
right after restarting, immediately hit f8 repeatedly until a DOS-looking screen comes up with an option of choosing safe mode. use the arrow keys to select and hit 'enter'.
d) locate file and delete:
once in safe mode, locate the file with the search function, and then simply delete!!

2. can't open/delete a file/folder
another one of my personal favorites: you try to delete/open a folder and it says 'do not have permission' or 'access denied' or some such shit....it's my &#%$^* file!!! the following is one of the most ridiculous, stupid (albeit simple) procedures anyone shoud have to do....when you click on a folder, the damn thing should just open.

a) open 'my computer', go to tools/folder options/view/, uncheck 'use simple file sharing (recommended)', hit 'ok'.
b) still in 'my computer', right click on the drive where the folder(s) is, hit 'properties'/security/advanced/owner; under 'name', select which 'owner' you are, then click 'replace owner on subcontainers and objects'. then hit ok. you'll probably get a message about replacing permissions, blah, blah, blah, click 'yes'.

*do this at your own risk, because i have no idea how the hell this works, and i find the whole microsoft folder permissions and security ridiculously complex and annoying.

3. found on the desk DEAD
here's a good one: your computer's dead, power turns on, things 'sound' normal, but you get the dreaded so-called 'blue screen'. you can't start in safe mode, and surprise surprise, you do a google search for all those stupid error numbers on the blue screen and you don't get one hit. how do you get to your beloved data to back it up? why don't any of those geniuses give you an answer that doesn't take 2 days of wizards, troubleshooting and hours on hold with tech support?? this will save you hours, no DAYS of work....

a) set your computer to boot from cd
sorry, i don't have the time or energy for this one, so please do a google search. basically you hit f2 at startup and set the boot order so that the computer will boot from the cd

b) get to another computer, download knoppix and burn it onto a cd (it must be an exact copy). it will automatically boot your computer, run linux right off the cd, and allow you to copy files to an external drive, navigate through your files and even connect to the internet!! on my dead
machine, it even automatically detected all necessary devices and ran them....no drivers to
install, nothing!! in 5 min i was up and running and saving files. it really makes windows look
stupid, and it's all free. too bad windows has the monopoly.

b) backup files to an external (ie. usb drive)

there's TONS more stuff you can do in knoppix; diagnostics, etc. i have no idea what capabilities it has, but it sure saved my ass.

4. system restore doesn't work - (tells you it can't restore to that point, there have been no changes, or something like that).

a) run system restore in safe mode (see 1.c) above
b) some people will tell you to disable system restore, restart and the enable it again. that's great, but what they don't tell you is that by doing that you lose all the restore points you had - kind of pointless, especially if you have a real problem and have to restore!!

* i haven't researched yet on how to actually fix system restore WITHOUT losing all your restore points!